Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
