So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
