help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
