i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
