He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
