i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
