i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
