Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
