Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
