if i can run in heels then i can drive
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
