When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
