I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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