the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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