is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
