Do vagina's smell?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
