Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
