i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
