the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
