rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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