I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
