If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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