if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
