Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
