she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
