he shaved USA in his pubs
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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