He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
