You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
