So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
