So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
