My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
