i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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