this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
