I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
