At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Holy sore nipples Batman
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
