Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
