Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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