Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
