i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
