you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
BRING THE BAGELS
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
