Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
