at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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