and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
