one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
