we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
