Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
