Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
