I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
