Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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