You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
