Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
